Saturday, October 4, 2008

I'm Sorry you're over weight!

Four words I, lulu, have NEVER heard spoken to moi in my  life!!!!  The Delta Baggage Beasty informed the BOTH of us that we were over the load limit in our respective bags.  Thinking that $50 each for overage wouldn't be bad we happily whipped out the smokin' credit cards for payment. WRONG.  Apparently word got out that we'd been shopping Round Top and therefore a Junk-in-your-trunk penalty was initiated ( And we thought the trucker scales were bad...).  Lauri's load was more egregious with a whopping weight of 75 lbs and $140 penalty.  Mine was a mere welterweight of 66 lbs with a $90 penalty-no S*(#.  Lauri was given the option of removing 5 lbs of 'stuff'.  Do you know how heavy butter pats are? Very. Fall Texas 2008 145


The Beasty''s sidekick, Jose Cuervo, asked what all those packages were.  Lauri told him they were butter pats.  He then asked us why we carried pieces of butter around and wouldn't it melt all over the clothes?  What genuis!  I believe he is the flip side of Darwin's 'Survival of the Fittest'....Survival of the Dimmest.  Really.

Sometimes we really feel like Lucy and Ethel in our outings.  We had so much junk out on the floor of the terminal.  We created such a ruckus.  I am glad we got to the airport FOUR HOURS PRIOR to our flight.  So much time to avoid arrest.  The earlier flight to Atlanta was full so we were left to wander.  We went through security without incident.  This is a major accomplishment.  We rewarded ourselves with a cool beverage and some nachos.  I, lulu, needed to use the ladies room and proceeded to find the nearest NON-PORTA-POTTY.  It was then I discovered that 1.  it was 55 minutes to our flight and 2.  we were in the WRONG PART OF THE TERMINAL> AND HAD TO GO THROUGH SECURITY AGAIN.    W.T.F.

Ladies and Gents I WAS AFRAID.  Firstly, I am so dumb.  I looked at the T.V. and saw Eastern Time and forgot we were still in Central TIme Zone. I made her get off of the phone to her BELOVED SON b/c I thought we were going to miss the plane.  THEN I had to tell HER we had to go through a different security line which meant the cowboy boots had to come off for a second TIME.  Oh dear.  I hate when she looks at me with that crack head fake smile.  I RAN to the other line hoping I would avoid her until after the second pat down.  As I was putting on my boots I heard a shrill noise and some 'dang dang dang dang dang dang'.  Lauri was in her verbal stage of delivering a bitch-slap to the woman who had the nerve to put her shoes back on right in line instead of moving to the more comfortable seating area.  I hid.  When I saw no one being taken away in handcuffs I knew I'd see her at the gate.  Even baby hid...Fall Texas 2008 146 SO...our plane was going from Houston to Atlanta to Dubai.  I told Lauri we needed to REALLY pay attention otherwise we might end up in some other dusty, windy place wearing polka dotted burkas.....aaaaay!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Chippys post.



trash talk said...

OMG-remind me never to travel with the two of you. What airline were you traveling on-you could have shipped home all your stash and still had money left to buy more. I gotta say tho, I would've paid a dollar to see a bitch slap. You two are something else, even by Texas standards, my two little honey baked hams(I love it). TNT

LuluRedstar/Lauri Evans said...

WE DID ship stuff, give stuff to TOT to bring. We don't know what we were doing or thinking. Too much fun at the Junk Prom the night prior (that's my story any way). Good to be home but miss our little looney family in Texas!
ox lulu-the-honey-baked-ham
p.s. that would be Delta airlines

trash talk said...

After rereading your post I did some addition. Y'all's overage totaled another person-141 lbs! Wow, you're lucky they didn't lock y'all up when they saw your purchases. I can just see the faces when Baby looked up at 'em. WTF

Stash said...

absolutely hilarious
absolutely hilarious

Durango said...

You girls are not overweight. You're perfect. And I mean that on any level it can be construed.

Sweet Repose said...

H E Y L U C Y....I wish I could've seen the boot removal scene(both times)...I have sooooooo got a visual...this is truly worthy of a sitcom you know...the Traveling Chippys and everything you ever wanted to know about butter pats and crack-head babies...or Antiquing for Dummies...

Is that backed ham I smell...haaaa!


Green Goddess aka her sistuh said...

Dear Lucy and Ethel, I mean Lauri and Lulu, sounds like you made Delta's day. Hey, is this your first international posting? I've just ambled back from a little antique fair in Seville, Spain, muy fantastico!
You gals rest and keep up the good blogging work!
xo Randalino

LuluRedstar/Lauri Evans said...

We've only had one other internat'l comment. But Green Goddess yours is the best. Miss u and can't wait to hear all about it.
oxox lulu

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

Honey baked hams...I love Trash, don't you!! OMG, can you hear me laughing all the way to Georgia!! You two are a riot!!!!!!!!!