Tuesday, September 9, 2008

ROAD HAZARDS through 5 STATES

We drove all the way to Texas and back for the spring shows.  We will NOT be doing that this fall. Listed below are the HARDSHIPS we had to endure:***

First of all we think it was STUPID that we had to go through the WEIGH STATIONS with all the truckers.  Honestly,  can't a junk posse just cross state lines without a hassle?  Who knew IRONSTONE butter pats could require 'extra paperwork' ?  And then there were the baby heads...

Speeding tickets.  At some point we KNOW the speed limit was 85 mph.  Those boys in Mississippi DO NOT have a sense of humor.

Truck drivers. Are. Perverts.  Every single time we made the universal signal for them to HONK their HORNS we received a different kind of response-- (remember the trucker in Thelma & Louise?).  It's a GOOD THING LAURI didn't get her gun permit prior to the trip.  It would have cost us a great deal of junking time if we had to 'splain ourselves 'to the Louisiana State Patrol.

Weather Updates.  Press'n'talk technology is fun---up to a point.  The Big Q, Lauri's husband, is secretly a weather channel wannabe. We heard about every wind gust from the Georgia/ALabama state line to Houston.  He is a sweetie pie, but honestly he DIDN'T BELIEVE US when we told him we weren't in any rain even though HIS computer showed the storm-of-the-century raining down EXACTLY where we were.  Silly man.  We could still sorta see out the windshield. 

Back seat drivers via cell phones in GA. We chippys share the philosophy that if we weren't supposed to drive over 85 mph the speedometer shouldn't have those high numbers---end of discussion.  Men, in and out of uniform, don't get that ideology.(See Number 1).

HOUSTON. Armpit of interstate travel winner, hands down. Sorry Houstonians but your state DOT has a sick, perverse sense of humor.  WHAT THE F&$^% is up with those one-way-only-no-signs-for-u-turns access roads just west of downtown on I-10??  IT TOOK US 30 Minutes to figure out how to get to the roach motel and another 30 minutes to get to the restaurant a block away.  After 14 hours on the road we really didn't NEED the hassle.  Thank GOODNESS the bartender at that Carrabba's could make a decent cocktail.  Lauri was UNDER THE TABLE after one G&T--she is so cute when she isn't ornery. I got to drive one block to the hotel and still managed to get lost DUE TO THE STUPID road construction.

HOUSTON. Kudos again.  AFter all-night carousing at the Junk-O-Rama prom we HAD TO DRIVE BACK to GEorgia EARLY next day to miss rush hour in Houston.  Wrong.  Is it EVIL to PRETEND to have access to the EXPRESS  lanes all the way through town???? We think so.  ONE HOUR of sitting in traffic does not make a happy pair of Chippys.  Glad we have the punching dummy otherwise Lauri might have TRIED to dope=slap ME and vice versa.  She isn't so cute when she is ornery.

All in all it was a very good trip.  BUT, since we're flying this time PLEASE PRAY FOR ME...Lauri doesn't 'fly well'.  Oh mah gawd.  I fear for the TSA personnel. If she gets detained----I'm going without her!  No doubt about it.

Stay tuned....the adventure is fast approaching   xo lulu

******************************DISCLAIMER********************************

Someone wise once said "Don't let the facts GET IN THE WAY of a good story". 'nuff said.

12 comments:

LuluRedstar/Lauri Evans said...

You are a hoot and a holler.....All I got to say is I hope they have plenty of G&T in that crown room or red room or what the hell ever it is. Cause I ain't gettin in that machine that blows you again!!!!!! See yall in Texas soon.

trash talk said...

If you fly, are you going to have to buy return trip tickets for the babies?

Vintage Sue said...

Way too hysterical! Driving in TX is a nightmare!

SherryRoseBella said...

Hi Chippys! I am Sherry from Gray. I am planning on visiting you this month at Lakewood. Any suggestions about when to go, best way to get there from Gray,Ga???(I will be on Interstate 75) I will be looking for more prom gowns, dress forms and rhinestone jewelry if you have suggestions about those things, too. You girls seem to be too much fun...can't wait to meet you in person! hugs, Sherry

Sweet Repose said...

I soooo had a visual of this whole scenario...too funny...well next year, I'll be down to pick you two up in the Ford truck...I believe it takes three blonds in a Ford to travel the Texas highways safely!!! They don't scare me, hell, I get lost in my own town...bring 'em on...heehaw and pass the salt please...

wilson

timeworninteriors said...

LuLu you don't have to pull a pickup truck through the scales. Only trucks with DOT numbers have to enter the scales! I bet the DOT guys thought you girls were nuts! Well they would have been right. Yes? Can't wait!
Theothertheresa

Durango said...

Okay. Your road trip description was funny. I had a bad experience driving in Houston too. I think it was called the Sam Houston Tollway. About every half mile you had to go thru another tollbooth. It was a lotta tollbooths to go something like 12 miles.

The Red Door Antiques said...

if you two are flying....how is all of your goodies going to make it back to GA?

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

Okay, words can't describe how funny I thought this post was!! Could you hear me laughing...I actually visualized this happening, esp. the Houston part! They just think Ike is going to be bad on Texas, look out for the Chippy Girls Storm coming through. I'll have the DPS officer waiting for you at the airport for a full blown escort into Warrenton. Oh wait a minute, I better not do that they might escort ya'll into one of the prisons in Houston. That wouldn't be good, not at all, since they are all male prisons!! Let me go, got to go call that man in the uniform :)

LuluRedstar/Lauri Evans said...

Male Prisons......this is sounding better all the time.....We did take a likin' to those penatentary boys last Spring.....Hmmmmmm, Yes we would like the escort,Ms. T..

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Anita @ The Pink Funny Farm said...

You girls are HYSTERICAL...made my night. Ok, first off, I have to agree with a newer post of yours that Texas is indeed the best that I have come across so far. Next, I didn't think that ANYbody was more ornery than me (Anita) and Tammy Faye! I think we have met our match...which brings me to my last: I have to add you girls to our favorites! Thanks for the entertainment!